I sat last week in Panera with my friend and mentor in the faith. Those few hours were like a deep, cleansing exhale. Several years ago I was in a time of emotional struggle and I knew I was in need of discipleship. I had sensed a call on my life to teach many years prior, but nonetheless there I was struggling deeply with insurmountable fears and questions. I was barely capable of processing my own faith, so the idea of walking with someone else, teaching and encouraging another person in God’s Word seemed comical. Two years after I began asking God to give me a wise teacher in the faith, someone to walk close alongside of me, a precious woman entered my world and to paraphrase her words said, I believe God wants me to disciple you. And now I wonder what I ever did without her. She is a gift. Most of our time and focus grows from the inspired words of Paul in Titus 2:4, “Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.”
She is teaching me to stay focused there first, and that has been critical. I mean freedom giving, life changing critical. To see the blessings and joy that come when we choose to love and serve our families well is huge. So obviously, she is my husband’s favorite person walking the planet. You have never seen a man encourage his wife to participate in something as passionately as Kev encourages me to be mentored by my Denise. God’s Word changes lives people, we are living proof. Not perfect, but in process, and progress feels good.
All of that is backstory to my point. Maybe I should consider posting videos here so I am freer to ramble and pretend we are face to face having a conversation? My point is: though our discipleship time together is mainly focused on seeking God’s heart in our roles as wives and mothers, my ministry here on this blog comes up in discussion occasionally. That is what I wanted to share with you today.
I can’t figure this blog out, which is ironic because it’s mine. In many ways it has multiple personalities and sometimes that stresses me out. I’m not ashamed to admit that here because I’m learning there’s a lesson in it. I genuinely want this place to serve whoever is reading with sound encouragement, and I strongly believe I am called to help women understand, love, and live through the Scriptures. But then there is other stuff too that’s fun to share, like chalk paint , carpooling, and stories about Justin Timberlake, and before I know what’s happened I have written one day about the dead mouse we found in our car, and then lessons gleaned from God parting The Red Sea the next….multiple personalities. I can’t tidy this place up, fit it in a box, and make it look like what I ‘perceive’ it should look like.
I was sharing these thoughts with my friend and hearing my words as they left my mouth, realizing there was an undertone of insecurity and pride that needed to be crucified already, not to mention a stench of comparison that is always deadly, but she listened and heard me out. Somewhere mid-sentence, while I was grasping to find words to explain how I just don’t fit neatly in any one box, she reminded me that neither does God.
Oh. Yeah. I forgot that.
That was a humbling moment of freedom for me. Maybe you need to hear that too? Do you try to tidy your life up to make it fit the status quo, and something deep in you won’t rest because it just doesn’t fit that mold? Do you worry what other people will think? Are you afraid to simply be, because if you were to just be, there’s a chance a whole lot of people would think you were crazy? I do.
I think people like us need to be reminded we have more freedom in Christ than we are currently believing we do. Not free to live out any desire of the flesh the wind blows our way, but free to not worry about being authentically us, no matter how quirky it seems.
This post may translate as strange to some of you. Maybe you don’t struggle with these insecurities, or maybe you think this should be kept in a private journal and a bit too insignificant to mention and spend time on here; but I wanted to share a bit of my wrestling. The wrestling is real, and I always want to be real here. It feels good to share the everyday, every girl kind of struggles, even when the conversation seems unpolished and a bit random.
But since we are just chatting, did you watch the Duggar Wedding? We did. My friend Cambre and my daughter Ella, the two most passionate Duggar lovers I know, planned a wedding reception. Cambre provided the wedding cake, Ella brought the pink lemonade, and I brought the temporary tattoos…obviously. The muscle is weak, but the statement is true, and the commercial breaks in the Duggar Wedding seemed like a good time to apply them:
Our friend Dawn walked over because she wanted to join any party that allowed her to wear her ‘Say Yes’ sweatshirt; but in hindsight, the Duggar Wedding spectacular was probably a bit too intimidating if you have never watched the regular Duggar show. She knew very little about our Duggar friends, and probably needed a slower introduction before we threw her into the deep end of the Duggar gene pool. Do you know what I’m saying?
We loved all of it, but the real shock of the evening was the show which came on after The Duggar Wedding. Do y’all know what I’m talking about? It’s called, Home Sweet Bus, and it’s about a family who travels the country singing and all of them live full-time on a bus together. I was able to mentally handle the idea of Mom, Dad, and kids living the dream on a RV, but now they have added a daughter-in-law and twin grand babies, and my mind is officially blown. Their son and daughter-in-law’s bed doubles as kitchen seating by day, and their bed by night.
Have a great weekend. Thanks for visiting me here, even if you never know what you’re gonna get.